Recently I did a yoga video for fat people. Part of it, anyway. I found it kind of boring. Apparently, I prefer struggling to achieve asanas that are clearly easier for thinner people. This may be due to my somewhat competitive nature. I have to remind myself constantly while I am practicing that I am not trying to be someone else. This is the body I have right now, and I need to defer to it's needs.
So I need a certain amount of modification for some poses and movements from one pose to another, but it makes me feel some resentment. Always the reminder to be where I am, to start where I am, every day. But I have big dreams and big ideas, and my body is not keeping pace with them. This is frustrating.
This morning I checked out Sally Kempton's Beginning Meditation: Enjoying Your Own Deepest Experience. I like her attitude that meditation practice by and large should be pleasurable, and even playful. I did the breathing meditation and the sound meditation. I like breathing meditations. They're such a simple way to turn your attention inward. She talks about how to choose what kind of meditation practice to have. The outcome is, I feel pretty good so far. I will listen to the rest of the audiobook after lunch.
I felt so good after meditating. And they were just simple, brief meditations. I don't know why I deny myself things that make me feel good.